I’ve never been particularly fond of Thanksgiving. It seems to me to be one of those “made-up” holidays contrived by Hallmark or the Turkey Council. Oh sure, it wasn’t too bad when I was a kid; you got a couple of days off from school and there was a LOT of college football on TV, but . . . I’ll let it lie with “but”. Once public school was behind me, my enthusiasm waned.

During my college years, Thanksgiving turned into a pain in the rear. Everyone was thrown out of the dorms and told to go somewhere else . . . usually home. For me, that wasn’t too bad as home was just under two hours up the road. For those students who lived hundreds of miles away – like the girl who eventually became my wife – it wasn’t quite so easy. It was a odessy. Take my wife. She had to endure a six-hour plus bus trip just to get as far as Philly. Then, there was a two-hour car ride across the state to reach her home at the Jersey shore. Once Thanksgiving Day had come and gone, it would be time to think about heading back to school. No wonder she gave Thanksgiving a miss during her college years and stayed close to Rocky Mt.

Thanksgiving is this insane American tradition where people drive – or fly – hundreds of miles to have a meal consisting of things they wouldn’t eat otherwise with folks they don’t really like. Then, they turn around and drive/fly hundreds of miles to get back home in time for Black Friday. Countless family feuds have been born on Thanksgiving and – probably – countless divorce proceedings as well.

And what do you do – besides watch Aunt Marge and Cousin Mildred bicker – for entertainment on that day? Well, the wall-to-wall college games of yore have gone elsewhere, For a while, the only game you could watch was the Detroit Lions losing to anyone and everyone. There are now a couple of Pro games on and maybe a college match-up. Friday is the day for college sports but you can’t watch them because you’re too busy standing in line at Mega-mart and making a silent vow to never speak to your cousin Ralph again. Ever! Think of all the fun you could have had raking up the leaves in your yard for the 100th time.

What about the food? Well, an occasional turkey sandwich is OK but you’ll probably be sick of it in a few weeks time because Grandma gave you all the leftovers rather than let her brother’s family have it. And let’s not forget Aunt Ethyl – no one can quite figure out just whose sister she really is – and her “famous” pumpkin/mincemeat pie that tastes vaguely like 10W-30. Uncle George swears by her cooking and then spends the latter part of the afternoon in the bathroom. Believe me, you do NOT want to go anywhere near that place afterwards for at least 6 hours.

Thank you, no. I’d much rather spend my time at home with the cats. A pie for dinner sounds lovely but the pizza joins are all closed on Thanksgiving. Maybe Chinese.

Dr. Data plans to drive 90 minutes to his ancestral home in Hopewell, VA and have a late afternoon meal with his brother. He will do all of the cooking and his brother will do the dishes.

One Response to Holidaze: Thanksgiving? No Thanks

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